Sunday, October 17, 2010

Trying too hard

So the last few years have been quite the learning experience as far as life goes. When I started seeing my girlfriend she slowly introduced me to her son. We got to know each other fairly quick and became good buddies. We both have many of the same interests so it made it easy for us to bond and talk and participate in the things we had in common. We both love to go fishing, riding motorcycles, fly kites, play video games and many other things. As time goes on my girlfriend and I move in together and all of a sudden we are pretty much a family. I have been married before but did not have any kids so that pretty much sums up my parenting experience. Not that I am a parent really here but have taken a bit if this role due to the living situation. I am fine with that and am glad for the chance. My girlfriends son does have a father but he is a long-haul truck driver and pops into town on a whim. So when he is with his dad he really gets spoiled and I realize that this must stem from being away so much and he feels the need to buy him excessive things and spend a few days or weeks just playing. So that is where their relationship seems to be at. His dad calls and he gets to have nothing but fun with him all the time. So here lies a bit of my quandary. I live with him and feel I need to walk this fine line of parent/buddy. Yet I need to also be tough when the time calls for it and it is damn hard to do it right. (not that I am) I want to be a good mentor or role model for him but feel at a loss sometimes due to the relationship he has with his father. Don't mistake me for thinking he should not see his dad. A son needs a father and there is never a replacement for good ole Dad. I suppose in some ways I simply feel like a good enough replacement until his dad arrives. Then it's see ya until I need ya. I guess an example is in order. I mentioned earlier that we both like to ride motorcycles. Well he has a two stroke and as happens with them they need rebuilding and the motor must be torn down and the piston and rings replaced. I have been ordering parts and spent about $130 so far not including my time and I have not heard any sort of thank you or extension of gratitude. I even showed him the parts that I had just picked up and he looked at them and walked away without a word. Not that I want him to jump up and down thanking me or anything but I suppose a little something. So the other end of this story is that he has gotten into playing with yo-yo's. He was on the phone with his dad daily asking him to buy a yo-yo off the internet and when he finally did he anxiously checked the mail every day waiting for it to come. When it finally did you would have thought he got a new car or something. He literally called me first to tell me it had showed up. Of course I had to read into that one. I think that leaves the rest of my issue pretty obvious. I spend a lot of time with her son to teach him how to fix things, new fishing techniques, or just how to be a man. I try really hard, I really do. I just feel that the more I do the more he expects and the more he turns to his dad for comparison. I don't want to be in a competition and never intended for it to look that way. His father and I are such different people no one could ever really compare us in any way. I will just keep it in my mind that some day he will look back on these years and the ones to come with a realization that I tried. Maybe a little too hard, but I am trying.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

First posting

So here goes my first blog post about good ole life. I don't really know where this is going to go or how it will morph or whatever it will do but all I know is that it is going to give me an outlet to express the many aspects of how life goes. I don't know who will read this or not even sure if that matters at all. Maybe a few will enjoy it and together we can make a go at deciphering the things that are thrown at us on a daily basis. I will not discuss religious or political issues but just simply some of the things that make us say "what the hell?" "That was freakin awesome!" or whatever cliche' type remark needed. I am a simple guy and for some reason can never shut my mind off. I think this may give me a sort of online journal that I can look back on and see how things were going at any particular time.

So for my first topic of discussion is my tenth month of unemployment. I am absolutely chomping at the bit to get back to my old job. I was layed off from the local Sheriff Dept in December and have been looking for a job since then. I am so frustrated trying to make the weekly contacts for menial jobs that are of no relation to what I have done in the past. I have to make 3 job contacts weekly and annotate them on a job search sheet in case the state wants to verify that I have been looking for employment.
I have applied for many security jobs and can't even get a damn interview for one. I have 9 years experience in law enforcement and they have apparently no desire to even talk to me. I just do not get it. I imagine that they see my work history and figure I will take the first LE job offered and be gone or something. Who knows. I worked seasonally for a wine warehouse for 15 years and once again can't even get an interview to work in a warehouse to save my life. I recently spent several hours on the phone with a company looking for someone in my line of work and everything seemed to be going great and then all of a sudden not an ounce of communication. I mean really? A nice thanks but no thanks would at least be nice. To be honest I would rather someone tell me not a chance in hell to my face then to just ignore me for weeks.
My unemployment is only a few months from running out and my GI bill is done at the end of November. That effectively takes three thousand dollars out of my bank. What then? Frustration is building and I feel that this never ending search will come down to less and less paying jobs just to keep my own head about myself. I know I am in the same boat as many many other people and hope for the best for all of us.